The Reason Behind It All

I have not written anything here in so long, I feel this blog/journal thing has gone stale. See, lately I’ve gotten a newfound love for making music that has been 21 years in the making. Basically, I’m just looking back at the reason behind everything I’m doing now. I must warn you, this is gonna be a long one. TL;DR? Okay then.

I read somewhere that the beginning of something is always the most difficult. To some degree, I believe that. I’ve been “in the music industry” for more than two decades now (I started singing on stage at age 6) but I still feel like I’m just starting out.

I’m not one of those people who knew what they wanted to do with their lives since they were children. When people asked me what I wanted to be “when I grow up,” my answer was to be a doctor. At one point, I seriously considered being an astronaut. Music was my third major option. It didn’t really seem like a feasible one, so I ended up with a Journalism degree and a 6-year (and still ongoing) career in writing and editing.

I first realised I wanted a career in music when I was about 9 or 10. Prior to that, I’ve been singing on stage already anyway. My first paid gig was when I was about 11, and I sang two covers as an opening act. I still remember that summer of rehearsals. I also remember being disappointed when I received my “talent fee” which was far less than what I was promised. As a kid, that’s all I could do – be disappointed. I didn’t complain about it, but that probably was a warning sign of sorts for things to come in the future.

That same summer (or maybe the summer before that, I can’t really remember) I picked up my sister’s guitar and taught myself how to play. My aunt taught me how to interpret a chord chart, and I went on from there. No one really taught me how to strum, pick strings, or anything. Maybe music runs in my family, but I’ve been told that talent is only partially genetic – you have to practice in order to be good.

I got addicted to playing music. I took vocal lessons. Though piano was my first instrument (which I tinkered with at age 4 or 5), guitar was my true love. I was gifted an acoustic guitar during Christmas when I was in fifth grade. I joined music-related clubs in school. I listened to cassette tapes and would save up my money just to buy albums of my fav artists. It was a mad love affair with the musical arts. It was all I wanted to do.

I’m sort of a dork at times, always opening cassette and CD inlays, reading liner notes. Yes, that was a legitimate hobby. No matter what genre of music, one of the first things I do when I buy an album is check out the liner notes. Most of the artists I listened to would write their own songs, and a part of me usually dies when I learn that a singer or group I like don’t create their own music. I’m not kidding.

Then, high school came. This was the early 2000s, and it was the onset of pop-punk music, guitar-driven pop music, and all things that would later influence me. Yeah, sure, in the 90s the grunge and rock era mildly influenced me. But it was the music of the very early 2000s that really pushed me to play. Back in the time when Britney and Christina were all the rage, Michelle Branch was a breath of fresh air and I told myself that that was what I wanted to do.

Michelle was the epitome of what I really wanted to be when I grew up. She was young, she wrote her own songs, she played guitar. On top of everything, she’s gorgeous. I wanted to be like her. During my early teenage years, I was in my “emo” phase, I was overly dramatic, and I honestly thought music was my only refuge. By the time I was maybe 14 or 15, I sat myself down and started scribbling lyrics. What came to be were my first few songs, played in basic chords and strumming.

The first few things I wrote were juvenile and not too personal. I’d get creative and make stuff up in my head based on what I feel or experience, and it felt good because there’s always an element of truth from me in them. I would sit down on either my piano or guitar, have my handy notebook with me, and create. As time passed, things got more and more personal. To this day, I still write my own stuff but it’s more collaborative, but more on that later.

I had the chance to sing on national radio when I was maybe 16, for three or four Sundays. I did acoustic covers of some songs I loved, but for some reason it came up that I wrote my own stuff and they asked me to play something I came up with. It was the first time I performed “Dazed and Confused” on radio, or to anybody ever. It felt damn good.

By senior year of high school, a really good friend of mine and I started The Abducted, my first band. I played guitar and sang, she played guitar, and two younger guys played bass and drums. We did covers, and played maybe two school events. After graduation, we all went our separate ways, though I kept in touch with the guitarist the most since she was one of my best buddies and we even went to the same university.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t consider not going to college to pursue music. I was 17, naive, and 100% clueless. I eventually decided to take up music but my parents advised against it. I ended up in the liberal arts, taking up Journalism as my major. I played or sang a few times during those years, but I was too focused (or rather distracted) on other things to actually pursue a music career. There was a crazy mix of studies, the fear of missing out (hence my overly active social life back then), and the puppy love stage.

I never really stopped writing since that fateful day in my early teens, but it wasn’t until I was already in my first job when I realised I really wanted to do music again. Most of my coworkers were in bands, some I would actually see on MTV. I guess I just didn’t have enough drive yet, but the thought was there.

By the time I was in my second office job, I found myself in love with music again. I was in a band called The Saboteurs with some good friends of mine, and we did mostly 90s and 2000s alternative rock. I was blessed to have played with them all, lineup change included. Some of them have played with some of the best in the local indie music scene. The most important thing I think I experienced while with them was that they taught me to be better – a better singer, a better musician, a better person. While the band is no longer active, I still keep in touch with them and I can honestly say they’re some of the best people I’ve had the privilege to be friends with.

For the first time in my life, I was able to share my love of music with 4 or 5 other people. While we did covers, I opened up the idea to them that I eventually want us to play stuff we created. Two of the guys wrote music too, and we bounced around the idea of playing what they made as well as mine. While that did not come to pass, I was able to collaborate with one of them, along with another one of our bandmates, in what became the first draft of “Dissonance.”

I had already left the company when I toyed with the idea of bringing the band back together. While everyone’s schedules and personal lives hindered that thought, two of them were on board with helping me out in doing a solo record albeit behind the scenes. I eventually ventured into my new band 8 Moons of Jupiter, with a fresh new lineup and a small arsenal of my solo demos. Add two songs from a former bandmate and a friend, and we now have the current setlist we play in gigs.

I have not had a gig with my band in two months, and the distance is making it really difficult for me to be with them. However, I see to it that at least once a month I have a gig. It doesn’t really matter at the moment if I get paid for those gigs or not (most often it’s pro bono or I get “paid” in beer, lol). The main thing here is I never stop making music. It’s not for fame, it’s not for money. Those would be really cool side effects, but the art is the bottom line. I get inspired by the oddest things now – films or TV shows I’ve seen, music I never really thought I’d listen to, stuff like that.

I’m at a weird place right now for a musician: age 27. Ba dum tss. In all seriousness, though, I’ve never felt more alive. I’ve met and gotten advice from some of the best in the industry today. I’ve been through some of the craziest years of my life, and those events have turned me into the songwriter I am now. I can do things now that I swore I couldn’t or wouldn’t roughly 10 years ago. I can write in Filipino now. I collaborate with bandmates now. I’m open to multiple bands and side-projects now. I am braver now. Hopefully, I’m also better now.

This is what I want to do for the rest of my life.