Adult Acne Should Not Exist, and Yet…

I got my first pimple at around age 10. I remember not caring about it, until the guy I had a crush on at the time and his best friend noticed it, and I couldn’t stop obsessing about it since. I’m now 34, and while it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to in my teens and early 20s, the occasional giant zit rears its ugly head and causes chaos.

As a youngling, family and friends always told me I’d outgrow these… things. That other people had it worse than I did, and they aged just fine. That there are other problems in life worth expending my energy on. And yet, here I am in my mid-30s still experiencing the odd pimple every now and then. Chalk it up to maturity and a better sense of self-confidence, and I guess the lesser frequency and amount of zits I got compared to back then, but it just doesn’t bother me as much as it used to.

HOWEVER.

It’s still annoying! While I mostly am comfortable in myself now that I can even post makeup-free photos, I do get astonishingly big zits that (in my head at least) take center stage when I just don’t have the energy to handle it. Now, when I say “astonishingly big zits,” I mean astonishingly big zits. Like, over a third of an inch (yes, 1 cm). I wish I was kidding, but I’m not. Imagine having maybe 5 of these at a time as a teenager, on top of other small and regular zits. These days, I get maybe 1 or 2, and I’ve gotten better at using skincare and makeup to at least minimize their appearance, but they’re still a huge bother. Not only are they not aesthetically pleasing, they can also sometimes be painful. In some cases, like today, it also gets in the way of my vision (I have an astonishingly big zit near the inner corner of my eye and I can see it even as I’m doing my work or while I’m typing this blog.

I’ve tried everything, trust me. Healthy eating, sleeping more, exercising, increasing my water intake, lactoferrin supplements, skincare for acne-prone skin, color-correcting concealers, birth control, isotretinoin, regular dermatology visits, laser treatment, professional facials, at-home facials/masks, over-the-counter topicals, prescription topicals, CBD/hemp, at-home remedies like a tea bag used as a warm compress… EVERYTHING. Some work, some don’t. Some give long-term help, some are effective for like a second, some do nothing at all. Some worked like a charm, some gave terrible side effects.

So believe me when I say I’m done. I’m done hiding, I’m done trying, I’m done caring. I’m just… done. Done being in pictures looking like a pineapple next to my flawless friends and family, immortalizing a zit that lasted maybe 3 days. Done with passport photos looking like I have a red bug on my forehead for 10 years. Done with the weird stares from strangers whom I’m never gonna see again after a few seconds of non-interaction. Done with gossipy words from people I know but don’t really maintain a friendship or other positive relationship with. Done with having an unhappy life modifying my intake and sleep when I’m otherwise healthy save for the hideous pustules that occasionally present themselves. Done spending a ton of money just to make my skin look better. Done with dangerous side effects of certain medicines and topicals in the quest for magazine-like flawlessness. Done with putting things on hold because I suddenly care what other people think when I usually wouldn’t give a shit.

The hilarious part is, most people in my life actually don’t care. I barely go out because of the pandemic, and people I interact with in person probably won’t notice since I’m behind a mask and face shield. I work remotely, so people at work won’t see it because the webcam doesn’t really capture it. My pets don’t care. My man thinks my imperfections (including acne) are sexy. My family and friends love me regardless if my skin is flawless or on one of its off days (or weeks). Those in my life whose opinions actually matter to me? They see past that.

I’m not saying it’s all in my head, but a huge chunk of it is. Today, I’m not here to talk about how this thing cured my acne or that thing covered it up. I’m here to just be honest about how it’s like. I’m here to say how I feel, just as I always do in any of my other posts. I’m here to let you know that while looks do matter, they’re not the only thing that matters.

While today is not a particularly good day for my skin, it’s still a good day for a lot of things. If you relate to anything I said at all, then please know that this too shall pass. And if you need a couple of hours or even a day to just lay in bed and sulk in order to eventually feel better, then do it. I know I will. I got myself a snack, poured myself a drink, turned the TV on, and will just end my day knowing tomorrow may be different. But for now… I still think adult acne should be illegal, though 😉